Self Improvement

This post is about my journey to self-improvement. I am all about loving yourself where you're at, and encourage everyone to love themselves despite "flaws" or insecurities. I used to think that if I had flaws that I couldn't love myself. I was obsessed with becoming better so that I could finally be happy and love myself. I have slowly and painfully learned that I will never be perfect. There will always be someone skinnier, or better looking, or healthier than me. But that doesn't mean I can't love myself! In fact, I'm figuring out that I don't even have to accept loving myself despite my flaws, I can love myself with my flaws.

That being said, I am still absolutely on a journey of self-improvement. This year I've set some goals. Goals like take better care of my teeth and try to whiten them if I can. I also want to get better control of my physical health and my hormones. I have battled depression and anxiety for the majority of my life, and I know that diet and exercise can drastically lower the level to which these things affect me. So far, I've done pretty well on the tooth front. They are well on their way to being the pearly whites I've always dreamed of, and my gums are...I don't know...gummy?? However gums are supposed to be, they're totally doing that.

I know it's been over a year since I wrote about, or even genuinely tried to eat healthy. However, I have recently been having some pretty major health issues. My back and shoulder have been causing me pain, and I have a referral for a physical therapist that I'll be setting an appointment with as soon as I can. Since I work full time on my feet and can't exactly take time off until it gets better. But it's not all bad! It has inspired me to get healthy and start taking better care of myself. I may even start working out (try to contain your gasps of surprise).

I'll take pride in the things that I improve in and accomplish, and forgive myself when I fall short. That's my most important goal for this year, and I hope you do the same!

Another New Year

A lot has happened since I last wrote! I quit my job due to a Horrible Boss, got mixed up in an on-again-off-again relationship, and got to celebrate the engagement of my older brother! It's been kind of a crazy last few months but I am so grateful for the experiences and for the people that have been there with me through everything.

I now work for a company called HMSHost, but more specifically Burger King. It's definitely not my dream job, but it'll pay the bills until I can do what I really want. Dreams don't happen overnight, and they don't happen at all unless you work for them. So I'm putting in my time until my dream can become a reality.

I also discovered I have a terrible addiction. Of the Nacho variety. In the last month, I've probably had 25 plates of nachos. I should feel shame, but the savory, delicious memory keeps it at bay.

It's a simple recipe.

Blue Corn Tortilla Chips, Refried Beans, Rotisserie Chicken, Cheddar Cheese, Tomatoes and Lettuce (optional), and plenty of Sour Cream and/or Guacamole. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it!

I've never felt the kind of anticipation and anxious, nervous hope about a year that I do about 2016. I really hope this is one of the good years and that things start going my way. I hope the same for all of you.

Until next time.

Amazon Purchases I Definitely Don't Regret

There's a funny thing that has happened as a result of having a steady income and very little bills. I suddenly find myself the proud, albeit slightly embarrassed owner of some kind of odd purchases. I accidentally discovered the joy of online shopping and since then have obviously taken advantage of it.

Here's a few of my new purchases:

Cat Sweater

I know what you're thinking. I can practically see the looks of "Oh my gosh did she actually spend money on that????" Yes. Yes I did. My justification at the time was, "Everyone needs an Ugly Sweater! What if there's a sudden ugly sweater competition and I am woefully unprepared??" I am happy to inform you that not only am I now prepared for any last minute life-or-death ugly sweater competitions in the western Washington region, but I feel confident I have a good chance of winning.

Star Trek Uniform (Costume)

This one is actually justifiable as it is almost Halloween and I do not have any costumes. As a huge nerd in a family of nerds, I felt it best to pay tribute to my original favorite nerd fandom. The only thing I would complain about is the fit. There is way too much fabric in the armpits, making them almost wing-like. Also; the skirt part is not sown together. For some reason they left the overlapping parts unconnected so there's a weird hole if you lift the front flap. It's not too noticeable, but I probably will get someone to fix these oddities for me.

Cat Tower

I have cats. They really needed their own place to chill that wasn't my bookshelf. They also desperately needed scratching posts that weren't my furniture. At first, my kitten was scared of it and wouldn't go near it. This was extremely annoying as I spent a good bit of money on it and time putting it together. The directions were almost nonexistent and I pretty much had to figure it out on my own. However, all that being said, I'm pretty happy with it now. The kitten has gotten used to it and uses it frequently, and it doesn't look horrible or take up too much space in my small house.

Early Bird Shifts and Piña Colada Dessert Bars

Right now I am currently trying to get as much done as I possibly can while I still have energy and motivation. As you either know or are about to be told, I am a night owl.

The only problem with this is that I generally work from 4am-12pm so I have to wake up at 2 AM which is when I would normally be going to bed. I've been having a little trouble getting to bed early enough so by the time I get home I am absolutely exhausted and fall asleep wherever I land. Which means again that I don't get to sleep during the night and start the whole horrible cycle over again.

I'm determined to get on track so tonight I'm not going to eat, drink, or go on electronics after 8:30 pm. It's gonna suck, but I need to survive these early morning shifts.

Some good news though is that I have finally found an awesome dessert recipe that isn't cookies or bread!! I wanted to make a tropical dessert for my Grandmother as a thank you gift because she gave me a gift card to WinCo for $25. So with that money I made these great Piña Colada Dessert Bars.

You can find the original recipe here.

Some changes I made:

1. I only used half of the amount of rum it called for. I found this was plenty.
2. I think next time I'm going to double the crust amount. It felt a little too thin to me, especially since some of it is used to sprinkle on top.
3. I hate sliced almonds, they're creepy feeling. So I chopped them up instead.
4. If you don't want to use alcohol, you could just use rum extract or skip it all together I suppose.

They were a hit! I would definitely recommend trying them out.

At Night

This blog has basically gone completely off the rails. I don't post every Wednesday (no good excuse for this to be honest), and I hardly review anything (I'm too poor to try out new stuff at the moment).

Whatever! Guess I'll just wing it and hope for the best.

As I write this it is a little past 1:30 AM and I'm waiting for my second batch of peanut butter cookies to come out of the oven. Yep, my sleep schedule is as messed up as my ability to blog. You're shocked, I know. Being an "adult" is pretty great though. I used to lay in bed awake and wish that I could get out of bed and bake whenever and NOW I CAN!! There's just something really cool about baking

Also, this is only the second time I've used my new Ice Blue KitchenAid!! Shoutout to my mother for this graduation gift, you're the best EVER. So I guess I actually will be reviewing something!!

Ok. Bad news first. The bowl is kinda small (I should've anticipated this and gotten a bigger one so it's my fault), the attachments are kinda cheaply made in my opinion and I don't foresee them lasting long term very well, and even with just peanut butter cookie dough it seemed very hard on the machine. This is just a personal preference, but I wish the bowl itself had a handle, but to be honest it looks better without one.

Now for the good news: I love the color, it's cute. Not a useful or practical attribute, I know. But what can I say, I'm easy to please and gosh dang it does look cute on my counter. And as much as I complain, it gets the job done.

I don't even really like peanut butter cookies, but I didn't have any chocolate so this was the only option on short notice. My brain has been a little fried lately with stress, I've been reading A LOT of great stuff (it is definitely a brain workout), and it's finally cooling off outside enough to turn an oven on. Since baking is usually my favorite way of de-stressing, I couldn't resist. I get to make a mess, I make delicious (most of the time anyways) treats, and I get to be in control. It helps.

That's all for tonight!

Fun Ways to Be Passive-Aggresive

Keep in mind that this really only works if the person you are being passive-aggressive to actually cares, and so results may vary. It may be petty, it may be immature, but to be completely honest it's a much better way to deal with anger than just losing it and tackling the person who's annoying you and punching them in the face. Here are a few of my personal favorites.

1. Change Their Radio Presets
     This one's nice because then they have to go back through all their stations and set them back again. It's annoying but not harmful. Probably just as annoying as whatever they did (or didn't do) to you to begin this war.

2. Finish Off Food and Leave the Container There
     Is there anything worse than pouring out your cereal and realizing you're out of milk? I think not. But think of the satisfaction of knowing it was your evil plan all along! Mwahahaha

3. Rearrange the Letters on Their Keyboard
    If you're not sure how, I'm sure you can google it. Maybe not on their work computer, but maybe yes....

4. Come Into Their Room and Leave the Door Open (Or Turn Light Off)
     This only works if their door was closed in the first place, so keep an eye out for an opportunity. If that isn't an option, you can always turn the light off and leave (added bonus if they keep yelling for several minutes for you to turn it off and you don't).

5. Ask For Advice and Then Don't Do It
     A classic, honestly. Start with simple things like, "Should I wear the red shoes or the black ones?" and if they say wear the black ones then you go right ahead and wear the red ones.


That's all for now! Good luck, and may the people you annoy not go too crazy...

Blessed Extrovert with Depression

Depression is a funny thing. It affects rich people, poor people, extroverts, and introverts. Whether its a chemical thing, or sparked by traumatic events, it can (sometimes literally) take the life out of you. I'm pretty open about my own struggle with depression because I think it's important to the healing process. I know that I've been extremely lucky because I have people in my life that love in my struggle, and I know for many people who struggle with this have to deal with it alone and silently. My love and prayers go out to you.

I think that I first started struggling with depression about 3 or 4 years ago, and while I have gotten significantly better, there are still days when I struggle with it. Normally I am an extremely outgoing, happy person, but when I was in the worst of it I basically shut down. I wasn't getting help, and I didn't think I would or even could get better.

While some would say that my depression was justified (some major family crises happened), the truth is that I've been pretty blessed. To be honest this sometimes made it worse. I felt guilty about every moment I was sad because I felt I didn't deserve to be. I was only listening to sad music, reading depressing things, and focusing on the darkness instead to trying to let the light in.

Then one day I had a personal crises. I won't go into detail on here, but I will say that it scared me into realizing I needed help. This was a huge turning point for me because up until then I didn't even really want help. I am so lucky that I have the mom that I have, because as soon as I shared with her that I needed help she was in go mode. I started going to therapy, I saw a doctor, and was diagnosed with PTSD and depression. Shortly after that I was put on medication to help balance out my emotions, and it really did help (though not at first, and I was both reluctant and doubtful about it).

While this didn't "cure" me, it did set me down the path of recovery. I've realized some things along the way as well. I realized it's okay to take time to be sad and heal, and that I didn't need to feel guilty or ashamed. Everyone has problems and heartbreak. Some people do have it worse than me, and some have it better, but that doesn't invalidate my own pain. I also realized the importance of what you put into your mind and heart. I used to think I could listen to, watch, and read whatever I wanted and I could be objective and not let it affect me. This just isn't true, and once I realized that I had to stop listening to depressing music, watching depressing shows, reading harmful things, and hanging out with people who encouraged these things. It was extremely difficult to give up these things, but once I did I felt an immediate improvement.

Maybe you or someone you know is battling with depression, and you don't know how to help or get help for yourself. My advice to you is the same whether you're dealing with yourself or someone you care about. Be patient and kind, encourage being surrounded by positive things rather than negative things, and find someone safe and trustworthy to talk to. I also definitely encourage going to a doctor because how frustrating would it be if you just had a chemical imbalance and this whole time you've been suffering could have been avoided with one small pill??

Wherever you are in life, I wish you all the luck in the world and hope this post helps in some small way.

Catching Up

Today I'm not going to be reviewing anything, but instead I'll be sharing what's been going on in my life recently. There's been a lot of exciting changes, so I thought I'd fill you in.

Firstly, my best friend moved in with me!!! We still have a lot of unpacking and reorganizing to do, but honestly that's half the fun! It's only for a short time since she's moving to Idaho in a few months, but I know we will make a lot of memories and have fun in the meantime. 

Next, I recently started getting into apologetics (defending the Christian faith with logic and reasoning). While my faith over the years has been somewhat intermittent, this has been a huge step for me. It's not always easy (in fact sometimes my brain hurts and I want to throw my book at a wall), but I really enjoy being able to live out my faith this way. I meet with a group of people every other Wednesday to discuss things. Not only do I like what we talk about, but I like who I am talking about with! It's a win/win.

Also, I finally got a job at Beecher's Handmade Cheese! So far, I love it and I feel very lucky to have gotten it. I would say come visit me anytime, but it's in the airport so unless you're flying somewhere you won't be able to :/

Last, in less than a month I will finally have graduated High school!!! FREEDOM!!!!

Even though I am just getting over a pretty severe chest cold, I feel very happy and blessed :)

Moisturizer & Facial Cleansing Towelettes

I am a huge fan of Burt's Bees, and I'm always excited to try out their products. Especially as someone with sensitive skin, it's very important to me to be able to find a reliable product that I know won't irritate my skin. I've also been looking for a good moisturizer, so I'll be talking about that too.

The first thing I'll review today is the Facial Cleansing Towelettes by Burt's Bees. Until now I haven't been able to find a good makeup remover solution. Everything was either too oily, irritated my eyes or face, or just plain didn't work. But I really love these wipes! They don't irritate my skin or eyes, they don't make my face break out, and they even smell pretty dang great. I bought the Pink Grapefruit option, but if you are sensitive to strong perfumes or smells I would suggest getting another fragrance as it is quite strong. You can find them at Target, which is where I bought mine, or here on their website.

Unfortunately, I have to give a bad review to this next product. I will admit that it works fairly good, but only if you keep it VERY far away from your eyes. It's called up & up™ Sensitive Skin Facial Moisturizer. I also bought this at Target, and I was really hoping I'd finally found a good lotion for my face, but alas I'll have to keep searching. It makes my face more oily, it sits on my skin instead of being absorbed well, and if you get it anywhere near your eyes it burns like crazy. Maybe I should just stick with Burt's Bees from now on.

Since summer is coming up, I'll most likely be looking for good sunscreen options. I've had very bad luck with sunblock, but I'll give it another try.

Island Squeeze E-Hookah-Pen "Zero Nicotine"

Hello! It feels like a lifetime ago that I wrote my last blog post. So much has happened, and I almost forgot about this blog! I'm back though, so don't worry.

My first post after my random absence will be on a Island Squeeze E-Hookah-Pen (found here). I haven't done a product review in a long time, but this was too fun to pass up.

It has zero nicotine, and zero clean up. It was about $10, which is pretty pricey for something that's just disposable but it was worth it. Also, you do have to be 18+ to purchase it.

Here's what I don't like: finding information on this product is nearly impossible. How long does it last, what's it made out of, etc. For someone who is new to smoking this is really annoying.

The product itself though is very nice and I would definitely recommend it.